My Mother is in Neverland

My mother is 87 years old and has suffered from dementia for several years.  Physically, she is in better shape than I am, but mentally she is not capable of having a conversation longer than a sentence or two.  Therefore, when we made the decision to move my parents to a long term care facility they were approved for assisted living.

Before you start with the negative thoughts about taking them out of their home, please let me explain.
Although my mother was in great physical shape, her dementia was getting worse and worse.  On the other hand my father was having difficulty walking but his mind was sharp.

Often, when I stopped in to check on them, I would find my father;s medication still laid out on the table where he sat for meals.  I would often try to encourage him to take his meds without sounding like I was treating him like a child.

As time progressed my sister and  I noticed they needed more and more help. We eventually took over getting them to their appointments.  My father had been diagnosed with early stages of Parkinson's disease and was referred to a Neurologist.  The Neurologist asked my father if he had someone who could help him with things at home.  My father answered with a very unenthusiastic yes.  The neurologist and I exchanged a look of concern but nothing was said in front of my father.  On the way home I asked Dad why he sounded so unsure.  He admitted to me, the reason his pills were usually laying on the table was because Mom was giving him too many.

My sister and I discussed this and immediately tried to find some options to take away our concerns.  You see we both work and although we were trying to stop in as often as we could, there were still many hours in the day when we could not be there.   My mother was resistant to any help coming into the house.  So the next Doctor's visit we discretely discussed our concern with him.  He suggested a visiting nurse who could stop every morning and give my father his first dose of meds and lay out the rest of  the day for my Mother.

Fortunately, my schedule allowed me to stop in and observe things so my sister and I understood what was taking place.  One morning the nurse asked me to walk her out.  Once outside she explained to me that everyday when she came, she had to completely redo my fathers pill box.  My mother had been getting pills mixed up and the worst of all she was filling the empty slots back up again.  No problem, she was being helpful right?  Wrong,  because she was filling the slots up immediately after my father took them, she could not remember him taking them so she would try to give them to him again.  Fortunately, my fathers mind was pretty good and he knew better than to take them, but eventually his Parkinson's started to cause some dementia and he would become confused.

One evening my sister called and told me she had just left their house and she was convinced he was going to die soon.  My husband and I made a visit and when we left my husband said he'd be surprised if my father was still alive in two weeks.

A few days later, my phone rang.  It was my mother, I could hear the panic in her voice, she was unable to rouse my father from sleep.  My heart in my throat I jumped in the car and sped over there.  My father was very pale, he could communicate some, but not much.  We called 911.  The paramedics arrived and went to work checking him over and asking questions.  They determined it was a blood sugar issue.

This scare was more than enough for my sister and I to decide they could no longer take care of themselves.  We did lots of research on care facilities and finally made our decision.  My parents were not happy but my mother said she understood my father needed this (in her mind she was fine).

In the beginning they were living in the assisted living wing.  It was a pretty sweet setup.  We were able to get two adjoining rooms and we set one up like a living room and the other as their bedroom.  It was, in our minds, the best way to transition them.  But my father was becoming less and less mobile and after an episode which landed him in the ER, my father was moved into the skilled care wing while my mother stayed in assisted living.  This was hard on them both, but it was explained to us that since my mother's health did not warrant the same type of care as my father there would be no insurance to cover her stay and the rates for skilled care were significantly higher than assisted living.

The staff was very understanding of how difficult the situation was, and worked out a plan where my mother could come get my father after his breakfast and he could spend the day with her.  She would wheel him to the dining room on his side of the building for lunch and dinner where she was allowed to join him for meals.  After dinner she would take him to his room, help him into his pj's and into bed.  This became their routine until my father passed away in June 2012.

My mother's dementia was so bad by now, she could not remember my father was gone.  At first, we all decided we would need to work with her to help her comprehend.  Then we realized she was suffering terrible grief over and over, so we requested the staff just let her believe he was still with us , but not in his room when she went looking for him.

Fast forward to present day.  My mother has now been diagnosed with "Sundowners Syndrome".  I know, you're wondering what is it?  So in layman's terms here is what I can tell you.  Early in the day the patient has the same personality, they always have, but as the day progresses they become upset, angry and belligerent.  They become very upset and want to go home (not understanding they no longer live there).  My mother who is normally one of the nicest people you will ever meet, turns into a mean, angry, bitter person.

Several weeks ago, as I was preparing to visit my mother, the phone rang.  It was the on duty nurse, letting me know my mother had been found in the parking lot in two sweaters (25 degrees outside) and carrying a bag of snacks, she was "going home".

Normally, when she went into her "mode" the staff was able to calm her down, but on this day nothing was working.  We rushed right over.  when we arrived we were told a gentleman from my mothers church had come for a visit and was walking her all around the facility(something she normally loved to do)in an effort to calm her.  Right at that moment they came into sight.  I tried my normal greeting and she angrily told me she wanted to go home and they wouldn't let her.  As I tried to explain, she was home, she turned to me and accused me of taking their side.  I explained her house had been sold to one of her grandson's and although he would love have her visit there were no spare rooms for her.  She gave me a blank stare and said "I want to go to my mother's house."

Now it's really hitting me, she is completely disconnected from reality.  I knew this would mean she could no longer live in assisted living.  She was moved a few days later, into the skilled (also known as nursing) care wing.

So now that you are up to date with the events that landed her there, let me tell you the real point of all of this.  My mother has been moved into a wing where she not only resides with other dementia patients, but also with patients who can no longer speak or in some cases walk.  I understand why she is no longer in assisted living. However, I am now seeing her physical  condition decline after a few short weeks.  My sister and I have both noticed.  It prompted a discussion on long term care.  We are both convinced having gone through this experience, long term care facilities, while being leaps and bounds from where they used to be, are letting their patients down a bit.  It is our opinion, these facilities should offer a third option, which would be a wing for those who have dementia, but are physically in good shape.  There may be facilities out there with this option, but none of the facilities in our area do.  We believe, exposing our  mother to gravely ill patients, all day, every day is speeding up her physical decline.  This has nothing to do with the care she is receiving, her staff is the best!!  It is simply realizing, that like most people, my mother is unknowingly,  becoming just like the people she is surrounded with.

Unfortunately, this would undoubtedly push long term care costs up even more.  So it is doubtful we will see something like this anytime soon.  With that said, I think we all need to start pushing for some changes in long term care options.  If you are my age (57) you are closer to needing this option than you may care to admit.  Now is the time you should be looking at possible options and pushing for the changes we would like to see before we need these services.  Let's get our government representatives involved in making long term care affordable with realistic options.  I appreciate they are watching out for my interest in other affairs, but many of our elderly citizens are living in poverty with little or no options.  Those who do have options, are paying exorbitant costs.  We need to become a nation who pays our respects to our senior citizens, by ensuring they are receiving the proper care.  I believe we owe them, for they have paved the way for us to be where we are today.

This is just one humble Nana's opinion.

Turning a broken dresser into a life long treasure for my son

One day I walked into my son's bedroom and realized it was pretty much the same room he had chosen when we moved into this house.  The only problem is he was 5 years old when we moved in and he is now in high school.

So I started to think about changes we could make.  Now just so you understand, I'm not one of those people who jumps in the SUV and motors on over to the latest decor store and pulls out the credit card.  No sir, not me.  Why?  Because I am frugal, not cheap mind you, frugal.  Mostly because I prefer to give my home my own touch.  I love to take something and find a new function for it.  After giving it a little thought, it hit me.

Our home had belonged to a gentleman who had passed away.  A public sale was held to dispose of the household items.  What did not sell was left in the house for us to decide upon.  Of course the items left were mostly junk, but there was one piece, even though it was in need of some repair, I just couldn't part with.

It was a wood dresser.  It had been painted yellow and had large round bright orange (button like) knobs.  It was definitely straight out of the 60's. This was about to become a gift to my son.  Something I was hoping would become an heirloom for him to someday pass on to his child.

I wish I had taken pictures of this prior to changing it, but in my excitement I forgot.

So the first thing I did was remove the orange knobs.  Of course being the repurpose queen I am, I kept them for possible use at a later time on another project.  Now, that all of the hardware was gone, I used a palm sander to sand off all of the yellow paint.  Once completely sanded I cleaned it really well to ensure there was no dust left on it. finally, I am ready to really get started.

My son, is a lacrosse player. He has been playing since something like the 3rd grade and as I said earlier he is now in high school.  I had decided I was going to paint his favorite lacrosse logo on the top of the dresser.  I had the logo on my computer from  some items the team offered. This was not the official school logo, but it was my son and I's favorite because it honored the native americans who brought us the sport.

With my plan formed.  I decided my plan of action. I started by painting the sides, front, back and drawers of the dresser in a semi gloss black paint. I printed the logo out and used transfer paper to add the logo to the dresser top.  Once I had the design transferred.  I began painting it to match the photo.  Once I got the logo done, I painted the remainder of the dresser top in black to match the body.  Here's a look at my version;

Now with the bulk of the work done there were just a few more details to attend to.  One of the drawers was cracked pretty badly.  I was concerned gluing it would not hold up.  So I decided to find some sort of replacement.  I remember seeing some benches which used storage baskets in openings along the bottom, so why not add a basket to replace the broken drawer.  One problem with my idea.  After an extensive search locally and on the internet I could not find a basket to fit my opening.  I had all but given up when I was at my local Target.  I came across a basket which had just enough black in it to work, but it was way to small.  Suddenly I thought, if it was small enough, I could wire two of them together to make one drawer.  I pulled out my mini tape measure (which is always in my purse) and.........the heavens opened up and glorious music played (well maybe not, but they were the perfect size).  I got them home and immediately pulled out my trusty spool of floral wire.  I lined up the baskets with the sides touching. As close as I could get to the end I fed the wire through the inside of the first basket through to the inside of the second basket, secured the ends so they were between the two baskets.  Then did a sort of blanket stitch through and over the edges of the two baskets so they were joined as one.  

One last item to take care of, replacing those orange knobs.  Our school mascot is the bison.  we are the "Thundering Herd"  I found this great little web site who had of all things, bison pulls.

Perfect!  

My finished product

A big thanks to the hubby!  One of the original legs was broken, he came up these substitutes!

The second best thing about this project.....by only working on the logo when my son was out of the house and waiting till last to put the pulls on, my son had no idea I was doing this for him.  The best thing, my son loves it!!  To the point, he took pictures and texted them to some team mates!!  Who's feelin like the coolest mom?.......This girl!

So, the next time you see a broken, outdated piece of junk, give it a second look, there maybe something really special there!